So He Walked Away
by Murayama-Tsuru
Summary: Gintoki on why he walked away from a battle he couldn't win.


**Hello again or for the first time, Murayama Tsuru here. I decided to write a Gintama story about Gin-chan this time. I shied away from writing mainly about Gin-chan before because he's the main character and I wasn't sure I could capture him very well. But I decided to write this because I wanted to. So here it is, I hope you enjoy.**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama it belongs to Sorachi Hideaki-sensei. Were Gintama mine, I'd explain why Takasugi's so crazy.**_

They always asked him why he left, every single one of them. He never answered, though, and walked away with his head held high. Even Zura and Takasugi never really understood him; Zura, though, understood more than Takasugi. While Takasugi thought he was a coward and a traitor, Zura had just smiled sadly.

So why did he walk away? The answers often kept him awake at night. Sometimes, he'd even have nightmares on nights that were anniversaries of battles. He was glad Kagura slept so soundly, or else she'd worry more than she had to.

At first, he had joined the Joui Sensou because he wanted revenge on the people who killed Shoyo-Sensei and he wanted to protect his country with his comrades. There was a part of him though, that believed that the country he was trying to protect should go to hell, it was his comrades he needed to protect. And somewhere along the way he realized that Shoyo-Sensei wouldn't come back, even if they did win. He also realized that the Amanto weren't going away. No matter how many he killed, there were thousands more to replace them. Meanwhile, the comrades he had fought with were being killed faster than the Amanto. After every battle, when he saw how many of his comrades were killed, he'd look up at the sky and ask whoever was listening "Please help us win this war, let my comrades live, let us stay together." But no one ever answered.

Still, he fought with more ferocity in every battle. And in this battle, he fought more fiercely than ever. All his frustration going into every slash of his sword, and the Amanto fell faster than ever. After this particular battle, he noticed many more of his comrades had died in this battle. As always, he looked up to ask why. Before he could ask anything, the sky opened up in a fierce squall. The rain stinging his face, forcing him to think about how many more would die in this ludicrous war. It was too much for him, and tears and rain streamed down his face. Zura then came over to him and put his hand over his shoulder, and Gintoki saw he was crying too. It was then he realized that this was enough. He couldn't stand seeing his comrades die anymore, Zura crying, even Takasugi was talking more and more about revenge. It was enough for him, so he walked away. He didn't look back, even when Zura yelled "Gintoki, where are you going? You can't walk away from this!"

After, he started wandering around Japan. He saw the damage the war had caused and only one thought ran through his head "I…Did this. This is my fault, I couldn't stop it and my comrades died." Eventually ten years passed and he found himself graveyard in Kabukicho. A woman had come and put Manju at the grave he was sitting behind so he couldn't help but ask "Those Manju…Can I have them? I'm gonna starve to death if I don't eat soon."

"I would give you them, but they're for my husband. You'll have to ask him."

He had expected this, so he took the Manju and ate them hungrily. When he was done, the lady asked "What did my husband say?"

"I don't know, dead people can't talk." He could feel the annoyed frown on her face when she said "Taking food from the dead, you'll be cursed."

So in response he said "Dead people can't talk and they can't eat Manju. So I made a one-sided promise to your husband. I won't forget this favor. So to make up for it, I'm going to protect his wife for the short amount of time she has left." The woman smiled and took him back to her house.

He grew a bond with this woman that they often pretended not to have. They gave each other company that they both needed. They never showed this to others, though; it was something they decided to keep to themselves. So whenever she yelled at him for not paying his rent, he knew she didn't mean it.

The war ended and the Amanto took over. And he realized that the Amanto weren't so bad. Yes, they forced the Samurai to give up their swords. But the city of Edo flourished because of them. The city grew and peoples' lives became better. Gintoki realized that their war really didn't have any meaning, if he and the others had let the Amanto have their way maybe Shoyo-Sensei would be alive, maybe his comrades wouldn't have died. But Zura didn't think so. There was a point when he tried to convince Gin to help him destroy the government. Gin shook his head and said "I'm sorry Zura, I can't. It has nothing to do with me anymore. You need to leave; I have a customer coming soon." Then he closed the door. Even as Zura shouted "Gintoki, I know you're hurting, but we need you. Take up the sword Shoyo-Sensei gave you again and help me! We need you!" he couldn't find the will to open the door and tell him to leave again. Eventually Zura gave up and left Gin in uncomfortable silence. That would be the last time he'd see Zura for a long time. He then thought that bonds were something that he didn't need anymore.

After that, he found solace in Shonen Jump and sweets. While the manga in Shonen Jump held the ideals he once believed in, sweets numbed his senses to the constant reminders of his failures. It made life easier, he could be as childish as he wanted and "blame" it on both. He also got a Bokken replace the sword he couldn't carry at his belt anymore. It gave him a sense of peace to have something at his belt.

And then he met Shimura Shinpachi and Kagura and he saw both the past and the future in him. And he found himself picking up the burden of bonds again. He also found himself in the middle of everything that was happening in Edo. He saw how the world was changing, even Zura. Gin learned that Zura's a hypocrite. He may like to boast that he wanted to destroy the government and Amanto, but he kept Elizabeth at his side (though that might be because Elizabeth is an old man in a duck suit). Gin knew that Zura was realizing what he realized all those years ago that the Amanto weren't as bad as they originally thought.

The only person who hadn't changed was Takasugi. When Takasugi had confronted him during the Shogun's birthday Gin got the impression that Takasugi was just as bitter as he was before. Especially when Takasugi accused Gin of being a coward again. Gin wanted to tell Takasugi that destroying the Bakufu would not bring back Shoyo-Sensei, but he knew it wouldn't reach Takasugi's revenge obsessed ears no matter how much he tried. In fact, Takasugi had become so obsessed with revenge that he would even recruit the help of the Amanto that he tried to fight so long ago.

This made him feel bad all over again that he walked away. It made him wonder if he could have stopped this. If he had stayed, would Takasugi have given up? He doubted it, but he wanted to make sure Shinpachi and Kagura never turned out like this. After he saw Takasugi again, he saw that both Shinpachi and Kagura could go in the same direction. So after that, he gave them both a lecture on how revenge would not bring the dead back. They had both given him funny looks, but nodded in agreement. Gin knew that they both were thinking he was a complete weirdo for telling them something about revenge so randomly, but it gave him a piece of mind that they both understood how it wasn't something that was going to satisfy them.

Years later, when Katsura him why he walked away from the battlefield, Gin answered "For the future generations. It'll do no good for them to continue the war of revenge their idiot predecessors started." Then he took off when he saw Shinpachi and Kagura calling for him, a spring in his step that Katsura had never seen before.

Katsura watched as Gintoki left. And he was reminded of that rainy day he called after Gintoki. Unlike that day though, Gintoki's back was straight instead of bent with sorrow. So Katsura smiled when he saw that Gintoki was running to his friends instead of away from them.

**I hoped you enjoyed reading this; it is the product of a frustrating day. I hope that doesn't make it bad. So if you want, please review every bit helps even if it's to tell me something I did wrong.**

**-Murayama Tsuru**


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